


Silence

by solosis



Category: B1A4, VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 03:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solosis/pseuds/solosis
Summary: Chansik sometimes wonders about the reason why Hongbin's face gets to him to such a ridiculous extent.





	Silence

Chansik likes Hongbin’s face.

He always did, Chansik knows that. When he would happen upon a picture of Hongbin on some magazine, Chansik would be so amazed at his beauty that it almost seemed like he was meeting him for the first time all over again. When Hongbin would throw a self-deprecating comment about his appearance, Chansik would stare in confusion and make a nonchalant remark about how obviously wrong he was. Since day one, when Hongbin, awkward and fidgety, asked for his number after sharing a number of embarrassing moments in that radio program, Chansik thought Hongbin was one of the most good-looking man he's ever seen.

What Chansik doesn’t know is the reason why his liking for Hongbin’s face has reached a point in which his face occupies his thoughts most of his idle time.

Back then Chansik knew he found pictures of Hongbin by pure chance. Now Chansik no longer happens upon pictures of him on magazines, instead he begins keeping up with his photo shoots, then he texts him the pictures and tells Hongbin he did a good job in the teasing tone used exclusively with him. Whenever Chansik had to reassure Hongbin about his looks, somewhere deep inside he knew his short yet caring remarks came from a place of pure politeness, words said in order to momentarily and superficially dispel his insecurities and make him move on for the day. Now Chansik knows somewhere even deeper inside he intentionally, consciously, activelydeeplystrongly wishes to make Hongbin believe in himself the way he does, and in a way Chansik guesses that goes way beyond the matter of his appearance. Chansik knows that back when they first met he was simply making an objective judgment, he thought Hongbin to be good-looking the way he couldn’t deny someone like Jinyoung also had his own share of fine traces and Dongwoo exuded natural handsomeness. Now Chansik can’t help but keep searching and finding small, almost unnoticeable, details on Hongbin’s face that somehow match his preferences and make his stare fix on him for far longer than acceptable.

“Why are you staring at me like that?”

Hongbin asks him whenever that happens and Chansik doesn’t know the answer himself. So he keeps looking at his face, searching for one. He looks at the way Hongbin’s perfectly carved out nose scrunches up whenever he cringes at something embarrassing Chansik has done, or the way his dimples shows when he’d cackle at something funny Chansik says or how his whole face lights up whenever they'd meet after a long period of absence due to a busy schedule of fansigns, photo shoots and appearances on tv shows.

It overwhelms Chansik, again and again, the way this tingling warmth runs through his body and fills up his chest whenever his gaze falls upon Hongbin whose eyes are already on him. It's such an overpowering feeling that Chansik forces himself to look away and bury his face in his arms in order to hide the smile that spontaneously comes to his lips and the way his ears burn when Hongbin gets close and asks what’s up with him in a lively laughter. It's such a fascinating thing the way Chansik is always able to find every little thing about Hongbin fascinating.

* * *

In his frantic search for an answer to this ridiculously overwhelming feeling of his, looking with his eyes becomes not enough anymore and Chansik begins studying him with fingers that seem attracted to Hongbin’s face like a magnet. Chansik’s breath hitches almost imperceptibly when his ring finger grazes against Hongbin’s forehead as he adjusts his messy bangs. Butterflies flap their wings in his stomach when Chansik’s index finger feels the soft skin in its grasp as he playfully pinches Hongbin’s cheeks. Chansik’s heart skips a whole set of beats when his thumb accidentally runs along Hongbin’s lower lip when he tries to wipe off the remainder of whatever he is eating that gets stuck near his mouth.

And Chansik wonders and wonders again as to why he feels like that while he watches Hongbin’s sleeping face lying on his lap, the movie on Chansik’s television long forgotten by both of them.

Chansik’s hesitant as his hand reaches for Hongbin, his fingers almost tremble when they finally trespass what seems an infinite distance between them and Hongbin’s face. Chansik moves his bangs out of the way and lets his hand feel the heat from Hongbin’s forehead, then his finger traces a line along his eyebrow down the side of his face, ending its path with a poke on his cheek.  When Hongbin lets out a disgruntled nose, Chansik covers his smile with the back of his free hand, as the other occupies itself caressing his hair, fingers carefully intertwining locks of gray that match his own.

Feeling his cheeks and ears still warm, Chansik doesn't get it yet.

* * *

It takes Chansik a whole another month to understand.

They sit on Chansik’s bed and talk a contentless talk, a talk to fill the silence with their voices and lessen the space in between the two of them with meaningless words. Their voices get quieter, their bodies closer and when their fingers graze against each other’s, Chansik feels a sudden weight on his shoulder – he looks to his side and finds Hongbin leaning on him. The way his face is hidden bothers Chansik as he stares, almost in a glare, at the top of his head as if that would make Hongbin magically look up.

Apparently feeling Chansik’s eyes on him, that is actually what Hongbin does. And when their eyes meet, once again Chansik is flooded by that urge he can't name yet, something that leaves his body hypersensitive and his mind blank whenever they are close. It's something that drives, moves him against his control as he reaches for Hongbin’s face and touches it the way a blind man would his world. Chansik reads Hongbin with soft touches, with the tip of his fingers and the palm of his hands.

Chansik firstly traces a line along Hongbin's jawline in a slow and languid movement that makes him jump slightly in surprise. Then Chansik’s thumb slides down his cheeks, when it reaches the end of his chin, he feels them again with the back of his hands. Chansik touches the soft skin on Hongbin’s eyelids and feels the tickling sensation of his lashes against his fingers as he gently and slowly makes his eyes close. When Hongbin’s eyes open and meet Chansik’s, he is distractedly contouring his mouth with the tip of his fingers, he touches the upper lip and then the lower one diligently, trying to feel and get lost in every minimal chap and crease on them. Chansik’s fingers travel across Hongbin’s skin and down the curves of his nose, skimming the bridge, touching the tip and then circling around his nostrils.

When Chansik holds the sides of Hongbin’s face he feels his earlobes under his fingers and notices the way he averts his eyes away from him. Chansik freezes in fear for a moment and starts letting go, his hands reluctantly, slowly, sliding down… until they stop in their track by Hongbin holding them in place, his hands shaking slightly and his breath a little bit shallower. Before Chansik can say anything, he feels Hongbin’s hands on his face, holding him in place just like he does, a mirror image of him as they briefly meet eyes before Hongbin looks down again.

Hongbin’s touch is insecure, he touches Chansik like he is a fragile glass, like he’s going to shatter any moment now; Hongbin touches Chansik like he himself is going to break. The fluttering of his eyelashes pointed downwards along with his wavering gaze make it look like he's on the verge of crumbling down, like those were only the rippling of a bigger wave crashing inside him. So Chansik supports him, he strokes Hongbin’s cheeks in a careful and gentle gesture that seems to tell him he’s there in case he falls.

And they fall as they move their fingers and palms against patches of skin, following each other’s tentative and hesitant touches until they become natural, until each of those touches makes them feel like whatever that is happening right then took too long to take place. They explore each other leaving no patch of skin untraveled by their fingers and palms and Chansik feels he’s on a cliché self-discovery journey.

_“Why am I doing this?”_ , he wonders as he lets his fingers gently stroke Hongbin’s cheeks and feel they burn in the process. 

_“Why are we doing this?”_ , he wonders as he feels Hongbin’s touches on his uneven eyelids and the moles next to his eyebrow while Chansik lets his finger slide along the trail of skin where makeup usually hides his tired eyebags.

_“Why do I feel like this?”_ , he wonders as they caress each other’s lower lip with their thumbs, close their distance until their breathing mingle almost in slow motion and make Chansik’s chest almost burst in anxiety, anticipation and affection.

_“Is Hongbin also thinking about these things?”_

Their foreheads touch and Chansik’s suddenly taken back to a distant day as he watches what seems like a film roll of a life in which he can't imagine Hongbin’s absence anymore. Their hands slowly slide down to their neck and Chansik feels the quick heartbeat under the tip of his fingers as he becomes unable to tell if that is Hongbin’s or his own. And when their lips finally meet, Chansik wonders if Hongbin’s gotten the same answer as him.


End file.
